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When You Bury the Hatchet, Don’t Leave the Handle Sticking Out of the Ground
How forgiveness goes wrong and what we can do to fix it.
Actions vs Words
“Burying the hatchet” is a helpful image of forgiveness.
I imagine a Sioux Indian chief and a Colonel in the U.S. Cavalry meeting upon a hill on the southern plains. The Native American wielding his tomahawk and the officer, his pistol. Both parties represent warring factions that have been inflicting wounds upon the other for years.
But the moment has come for peace.
This is why the ceremony upon the hill would be such a critical factor in the process. After all, simply shouting I forgive you across the valley would accomplish little. Words easily spoken tend to be cheap. But actions. We even have a saying, “Actions speak more loudly than words.”
This is why the burying of the hatchet is a visually appropriate image of forgiveness. The Indian chief buries what he could use against his rival and the officer buries his own instrument of death which could be used against the tribe. The power of forgiveness that leads to peace does not merely rest in the words “I forgive you,” but with the actual burial of the offense.
This burial business is easier said than done.
The temptation for the chief would be to bury his hatchet with the handle exposed above the earth, still within reach. Just in case.
The same would be true for the officer.
It isn’t difficult to see how risky the proposition of forgiveness is. If I put my weapon down, it leaves me exposed and vulnerable to attack.
Everyday Hatchets
Consider how this plays out in everyday relationships. With tomahawks and pistols as metaphors, a husband and a wife wield similar weapons with their words — words that go deep, inflicting pain and damage not just on the surface but down to the soul. Few weapons are more deadly to a relationship than the hateful barbs of a well-aimed word of contempt.
If arguments, whether physical or verbal, continue to be fueled by my past resentments and offenses, I can be sure that genuine…
